journalism, shilling, and passion

My goal is to get people to move beyond their comfort zones.

For most people this is very hard. They fear appearing unsophisticated. The automatic defense is to accuse someone such as myself of being a snob. So I am very careful in my column not to slam drinks, knowing that if I tell you what you are currently consuming, your beverage of choice, is total absolute crap, you will dismiss everything I write thereafter as of no interest. And anyway, for every crappy drink, there is another more interesting variation. So I simply don’t review anything I view as crap.

This isn’t as simple as it seems. Here’s a true story from the modern world of journalism.

1. My mission in life is to get people to consider drinking something for reasons other than habit.

2. Cream Liqueurs (Bailey’s et al.) are a huge and growing liquor segment. Cream liqueurs deserve at least as much journalism time as Scotch or Cognac or Vodka, given the consumers’ preference for them.

3. I try to run a non-wine column roughly every six months because I think people should think outside the bag-in-a-box.

4. Christmas is time of year for buying gifts or just stocking liquors for guests. In other words, for the non- or casual consumer, a column could be of use.

Conclusion: write a column on cream liqueurs other than Bailey’s.

Problems:

a) Cream liqueurs taste of little other than sugar and fat.

b) Worse, after you have half an ounce, they coat your tongue so you can’t taste anything for at least half an hour afterwards.

c) I wouldn’t drink any of ‘em except on a bet.

Creative solution ( I thought):

Invite over a handful regular journo’s from the paper that publishes my column, folks who actually drink the damn things, after corralling as many bottles from the reps as possible. Watch response of drinkers carefully, write column of results. In short get together my own private focus group.

Outcome:

Reckoning that the drinkers of this junk would never have done a disciplined formal tasting I whipped up a simple report card of the booze on offer.

Party held. Drinks consumed. Comments made. Figuring that being journalists they would want the raw stats, I quickly verbally summed up the report cards (a huge mistake.) Everyone departs, a good time is had by all.

I get a response from the editor: the panelists have a large problem with the column submitted. Notably I gave all the liqueurs 4 stars, leaving off the one liqueur that I considered particularly rank, rather than say it is complete crap.

The panel of tasters reckon their finely tuned tongues have been misrepresented. (None of the participants were identified in the column by name, or even as journalists.) More, they object to the presence of a liquor rep at the tasting. I have committed a cardinal sin of leaving my journalistic ethics open to question! I am a catspaw, a mouthpiece for the liquor industry!

I rewrite the column to include their actual votes, feeling much put upon.

I thought when doing this, and think now that their actual votes had little value. Your (and my) ability to taste changes from day to day and from time to time. The event, the surroundings, all affect your ability to taste.

To actually break down the flavors in any drink or food takes concentration. It also takes a fair amount of practice. Some people are what are known as Super Tasters, with very sensitive tongues. They are about as common as Michael Jordan. (Idle aside: the couple I’ve met all like very bland food, which makes sense once you know how much sensation they derive from a vanilla biscuit.) The rest of us, have varying degrees of skill, which we augment with practice.

I know I don’t have the world’s best palate. What I have is: an ability to write; a good working knowledge of the business; and years of drinking a huge variety of wines and liquors. This last is not a trivial accomplishment. You need to actually drink a Pomerol with several different dinners at several different times to understand the essence, what makes a Pomerol. Tasting a few Merlots at wineries just doesn’t cut it, until you have that base knowledge.

And I know one other thing. I’m never buying a journo a free drink ever again. Condescending ungrateful bastards, all of us.